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Fauxists Announce New ‘Black Hole’ Competition!

Posted by Regrette Etcetera on August 3, 2009


The Hadron Collider

How do you make a Black Hole?

We have attempted a number of experiments but have met with only limited success. Without the means to create or maintain our own nuclear/particle physics laboratory, we have of course sought alternative means to gain access to such labs and equipment. As such, We have imagined that the most relevant and accessible target is currently the Hadron Collider. The Hadron Collider is the 27-kilometre circular tunnel built beneath the French-Swiss border, in which parallel beams of protons are accelerated to nearly the speed of light. Superconducting magnets then ‘steer’ the counter-rotating beams so that strings of protons smash together in four huge laboratories, fleetingly replicating the conditions that prevailed at the ‘Big Bang’ that allegedly created the universe 13.7 billion years ago. Many theorists have already warned of the possibility of creating a black hole using the Collider, and  there exists a level of wariness not seen in scientific circles since round-earth theory, nuclear fission or recombinative genetics.

Hacking the Hadron Collider

At this point it may only be necessary to treat you to an excerpt of a newspaper report to draw the obvious implications of our alleged ‘relation’ to it’s content:
“Hackers fool Hadron Collider computers
September 13, 2008, 9:52 pm

Hackers claim they have broken into the computer system of the Large Hadron Collider, the mega-machine designed to expose secrets of the cosmos, British newspapers reported. A group calling itself the ‘Stisxauf’ left a rogue webpage mocking the technicians responsible for computer security at the giant atom smasher as ‘dilettantes’, the Times and Daily Telegraph reported. The hackers vowed they had every intention of disrupting the experiment at the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) on the Swiss-French border, though only succeeded in highlighting the flaws in the computer system’s security. The hackers seemed to have gained access to a website open to other scientists on Wednesday as the LHC passed its first test with flying colours, the reports said. They appear to have tried to gain access to the computer system of the Compact Muon Solenoid Experiment, one of the four detectors that will be analysing the progress of the experiment. James Gillies, a spokesman for CERN, told the Times: ‘We don’t know who they were but there seems to be no harm done. It appears to be people who want to use this as some way of producing certain experimental results as yet unknown to us.’

We will not discuss this further at this point.

Why do you make a Black Hole?

Why make a revolution? Why wear neon spandex and too much makeup? Why erase all government?

The Black Hole, the Fauxists, and You

The Fauxists are currently offering a number of prizes and incentives for actions toward the creation of a Black Hole from Earth, or close enough to erase it. Prizes and incentives are theorized and supervised by the Museum of the Apocalypse and the Fauxists in Space program (for information regarding this, or other departments, contact the address below), and will thus survive the creation of any black hole with a effective radius of up to 2 light years from Earth.
Failed, fake, or ritual attempts are also encouraged and rewarded, in the name of Simmering Resistence. See you on the other side.

Send your proposals, plans, documents, FAQ etcetera, for more information, questions or comments, and to sign up to the Fauxist Monthly Handful, do not hesitate to write to this address:



2 Responses to “Fauxists Announce New ‘Black Hole’ Competition!”

  1. Nice Post, better still I’m able to view it on my new iPhone.

  2. Good post but I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this
    topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more.
    Bless you!

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