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Fauxist Comprehension Test #12: Economic Crisis Organisers Meeting

Posted by Regrette Etcetera on September 13, 2009

An exercise in the intersticies of capital, identity, the body and a house.

(Taken from “Co(s)mic Locusts & Global Economic Apocalypse: Excerpts from series of Fauxist International working papers on the machinations of the Global Economic F(l)ux”, produced for ‘Seeing Through The Empires New Clothes’ conference.)



Five wanton trannies, sex-workers from all corners of the Californian globe, on an organising holiday in Oregon, squatted an old chalet for a week. They intended to use it as their base of operations while planning their latest exploits, visiting local communes and exploring the area, but they did not realise that the house was possessed by a malevolent and lecherous spirit, which was in control of the local wildlife and constabulary! As they began planning actions and publications around the links between heteronormativity and capital; postcolonialism, trans and AIDS; the capitulative pitfalls of SWOP; and debating whether they’d bother attending the various uninteresting conferences, rather than going to court with their friends after the crackdown on sex-workers in Economic Crisis SanFran, or finding health care and legal rep after the recent shutdown of many peer-run, trans-literate organizations, or trying to avoid internet cops… whether they’d bother- only to remember the generalised trans-whorephobia of the anti-capitalist movement- that is, as they got down to their intended business, things started to go a little crazy.

Within twenty-four hours of their arrival at the house, all five of our trannies had been attacked by different creatures. And while used to such onslaughts of pestilent creatures and various gungy fluids on a daily basis, the girls were in for something altogether different! The clues below, and the table at the bottom, will help you to identify which tranny was attacked by what kind of animal, as well as figure out what each tranny looked like, what she was wearing, where she was attacked, how far the animals got, and begin to dissemble the obtuse metaphoric links to the anti-capitalist movement and the GEC. We have kept our identity descriptors deliberately simple in order to make the exercise accessible to straight people.

If you think you have all the correct answers, or need further clues, email them to for a special prize: a detailed account of each attack as it unfolded, what happened in the aftermath. A VIP pass to the Fauxist Moon Bomb Amateur Telescopy Party shall be awarded to anyone who answers the following, largely rhetorical, questions: Are the girls already dead? In what ways do they internalise or uphold their own oppression? How are they forced to be representative of trans issues? What economic forces are at play? Why pest animals? Why pests in the womb? Are transsexuals distinctly postmodern?

Editors note: Note the author’s focus on the sexualised fetishization of trans feminine ppl, evident in the attention given to the specific degrees of penetration enacted by pest creatures and/as constabulary/capital as it relates to self-identification in each grrl, and the use of slippery genital referents seemingly to address the fatuity attributed gender and appearance by so many anti-capitalist thinkers/activists. Dated descriptors such as ‘buxom brunette’ only serve to confuse the matter further. A quote from C. G Jung may serve to elucidate the relations of the possess’d architecture & trans psychology: “We have to describe & to explain a building the upper story of which was erected in the 19th century; the ground-floor dates from the 16th century, & a careful examination of the masonry discloses the fact that it was reconstructed from a prison-tower of the 11th century. In the cellar we find Roman foundation walls, & under the cellar a filled-in cave, in the floor of which stone tools are found & remnants of glacial fauna. Yet further below, we find fantastical objects of an age beyond measure, belonging to another future. That would be a sort of picture of our mental structure”.  (Jung, “Mind & the Earth”). In referring to our reverse discrimination publishing principles, I believe i’ve said enough about the inclusion of such strange pap. Lol.


Here are the clues:

1. The tranny who bathed in a filthy, slimy forest pool would never have done so if she had known it was infested with huge,     hungry leeches.

2. Some of the creatures that attacked the slim blonde made it all the way into her vagina– but no further, no further.

3. The tranny who was so horribly attacked by slugs was not wearing any kind of panties at the time.

4. Poor Andrea was having a nap in someone’s bed when she was attacked.

5. The tranny who was sitting on the toilet when she was attacked by creatures with legs, was not a blonde.

6. The buxom blonde, who was not Michelle or Zoe, was exploring the attic when she was attacked.

7. The maggots, who attacked a tranny with six letters in her beautiful name, infested her panties, but did not make it any further. She was not wearing a bra, but the maggots didn’t reach her fresh T-titties.

8. The petite brunette was the only tranny who was fully dressed (albeit minus shoes) when she was attacked.

9. The tranny whose attackers made it all the way into her sacred womb was not outside at the time. Nor was she in the bathtub,   for she was not dirty.

10. The slugs attacked a tranny whose name ends with the letter ‘a’.

11. The poor tranny who was attacked in the bath tub had kept only her glasses on so that she could read some of Frederic  Jameson’s “Postmodernism” while decreasing enjoying her soak due to his calls for trans identities in ‘new forms of body, identity to inhabit this new architecture’, and thus switching to Mark Z. Danielewski’s horrifying(ly) postmodern “House of  Leaves”.

12. The rats, which attacked without warning, were not interested in getting inside their victim’s anus. Shall we attribute them  sentience?

13. Connie was wearing pink panties when she was attacked by creatures that were not cockroaches or pangolins.

14. Sara was surprised to find the attic so damp and smelly, triggering olfactory memories of a golden afternoon in the distant past, when she still believed in revolution.

15. Zoe, a brunette, screamed in mock horror when her attackers forced their way through her cervix into her womb.

16. The creatures that attacked the tranny in the forest pool did not manage to get inside her.

17. Connie, the redhead, was not attacked by maggots or rats or pangolins or Frederic Jameson.

18. Neither of the brunettes was attacked in the bath tub, and the redhead was not attacked on the toilet.

19. The tranny in the bathtub was not Zoe.

20. The cockroaches did not attack the slim blonde or the plump brunette.




One Response to “Fauxist Comprehension Test #12: Economic Crisis Organisers Meeting”

  1. […] by thefauxistinternational on April 27, 2010 As part of our publication Co(s)mic Locusts,  We featured a number of articles on the Global Economic Crisis (GEC). Using speculative […]

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