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The Fauxist International Convinces Neil Armstrong His Own Moon Landing Was Faked

Posted by Regrette Etcetera on September 25, 2009

The Fauxist International Convinces Neil Armstrong His Own Moon Landing Was Faked

Another Fauxist Moon Bomb Amateur Telescopy Party Preparatory Document

Political Artists Group Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked

The Seattle Daily, August 11, 2009. Reporter Lucy Nagle.

LEBANON, OHIO—Apollo 11 mission commander and famed astronaut Neil Armstrong shocked reporters at a press conference Monday, announcing he had been convinced that his historic first step on the moon was part of an elaborate hoax orchestrated by the United States government.

According to Armstrong, he was forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos, and reading several blog posts on “in defense of conspiracy theorists” theorists The Fauxist International’s website,

“It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind’s so-called ‘greatest technological achievement’ for me to realize I had been living a lie, ” said a visibly emotional Armstrong, addressing reporters at his home. “It has become painfully clear to me that on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the control of my crew did not in fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days, touch down on the moon, and perform various experiments, ushering in a new era for humanity. Instead, the entire thing was filmed on a soundstage, most likely at Pine Gap, South Australia.”

“This is the only soundly logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies in the grainy, 40-year-old footage,” Armstrong added.

Although Armstrong said he “could have sworn” he felt the effects of zero gravity while soaring out of the Earth’s atmosphere and through space, he now believed his memory must be deeply flawed. He also admitted feeling “ashamed” that he had failed to notice the rippling of the American flag he and Buzz Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about travelling to the “moon.”

“That rippling is not possible in the vacuum of space,” Armstrong said. “It must have been the wind from an air-conditioning duct that I didn’t recognize because you can’t hear a damn thing inside those helmets.”

“This is all just common sense, people,” he added. “It’s the moon. You can’t land on the moon.”

In a symbolic display of his newfound skepticism, Armstrong then opened a teak case he had carried to the conference table, and grabbed a collection of moon rocks he had kept as souvenirs and dramatically dumped them into a trash can.

One of the main arguments posited on the Fauxist’s website—that America could not, in 1969, have realistically possessed the technological capabilities needed to put a man on the moon—was reportedly one of the first things to cause the legendary astronaut a pang of doubt. Despite having spent thousands of hours training for the historic mission under the guidance of the world’s top scientists, technicians, and pilots, Armstrong said he knew the conspiracy theories were true after learning that website author Regrette Etcetera was “quite the engineering buff.”

“Yes, at the time I thought those thousands of NASA employees were working round the clock for the same incredible goal, but if anyone would know what was really going on, it would be Regrette Etcetera,” Armstrong said of the 28-year-old part-time librarian’s assistant. “She knows a lot more about faked moon landings than I ever could. He’s been researching the subject on the Internet for years.”

“Literally years,” he added. (Ed: Littoral).

Addressing another inconsistency brought to light by the FI, Armstrong explained he was probably so focused on piloting the lunar module that he failed to notice that one of the moon rocks visible in footage of the landing appears to have the word ‘Tacky’ (a leading US confectionary company in 1969) stamped on it. An emotional Armstrong said that the only possible explanation for this detail was that the rock actually came from NASA’s prop department, and indeed could be some crass in-joke.

“They forgot to turn it over, or maybe they didn’t?” Armstrong said, removing his eyeglasses to wipe away tears. “Those lying bastards at NASA went through all the trouble to fake the moon landing, but they forgot to turn over one little prop rock, or left it in to drive me crazy 40 years on… ”

Although Armstrong initially questioned why the U.S. would attempt such an elaborate cover-up, he cited one overarching explanation provided by Etcetera: that it was a ploy to defeat the Soviet Union and fulfill the Illuminati’s plan to unify the world’s banks and control the dissemination of information.

“Just ask Regrette,” Armstrong said. “She’ll answer any questions you have.”

To conclude the press conference, Armstrong showed reporters footage of his first steps on the moon to demonstrate that the most damning evidence was “right under our noses.” Speeding up the tape and replaying the graceful moonwalk several times in a row, Armstrong explained that the iconic images of humanity’s triumphant dance with the cosmos was actually just a film of him walking backwards, slowed down, and played in reverse.

“What other explanation could there be?” Armstrong asked. “It’s all right here. Everything is all right here if you’d just open your damn eyes and see!”

Added Armstrong, “I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind.”

Asked to comment on NASA’s recent release of photos documenting trails of footprints at the Apollo 11 landing site, and on the agency’s mission to ‘bomb’ the lunar surface next month, Armstrong was more circumspect, saying only that he intended to continue his quest to reveal and prove the deep “fissures of fakery” in NASA, and indeed until he could finally convince the world that the “whole space program is a lie. Nothing has ever been launched into space at all, ever.”

Then and Now: Neil Armstrong in 1968, & 2008

And don’t We end up in the strangest of places? Click HERE for a Fauxist fan with unbelievable grammar.

And We Quote: “Addressing another inconsistency brought to empty-headed away the FI, Armstrong explained he was to all intents so focused on piloting the lunar module that he failed to inform that one of the moon rocks perceivable in footage of the arrival appears to participate in the not to mince words ‘Tacky’ (a owed US confectionary band in 1969) stamped on it. (Ed: Littoral). An zealous Armstrong said that the at worst admissible definition in re-emergence this collection specifically was that the reel in manifestation came from NASA’s prop resile from on, and certainly could be some crass in-joke.
“They forgot to hit the sack it all during, or included any circumstances they didn’t?” Armstrong said, removing his eyeglasses to wipe away tears. “Those untruthful bastards at NASA went during all the nuisance to faker the moon arrival, but they forgot to hit the sack all during one slight feel embarrassed prop reel, or left-hand it in to increase me goofy 40 years on. would pledge such an elaborate cover-up, he cited one overarching definition provided away Etcetera: that it was a ploy to vanquish the Soviet Union and fulfill the Illuminati’s drawing to integrate the world’s banks and direction the dissemination of poop.”


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